Mr. Blobby Is An Ancient Evil
Visions of a primordial terror that has forever haunted this land.
The moment I laid eyes on him, my blood ran cold. I knew immediately. He is evil.
Mr. Blobby had been kept secret from my prying American curiosity for decades, long after I’d uncovered far more obscure UK pop-cultural obscurities such as Wombles, The Broons, The Flumps, and the Fat Slags. But who or what was he to his audience?
When pressed for answers about Blobby, my British friends could barely articulate their horror…
“Terrifying. Childhood trauma”
”No one of my generation escaped.”
”He is feared.”
With his dead eyes, his nude misshapen body encased in synthetic naugahyde flesh marred with jaundiced yellow sores… it is obvious: Blobby is a primordial threat that has haunted the Albion isles for all time. He is the monstrous villain of even the very first English book. For Blobby is Grendel, the foe of Beowulf.
Though defeated, he has a way of resurrecting himself again and again. The Druids couldn’t stop him either. They sacrificed their livestock to him… and when that didn’t work they tried to strike fear into his heart with burning wicker effigies.
But Blobby has no heart and he cannot be killed, not forever. The knights of Camelot, Scotland Yard, M15… all have failed.
Maybe someday he will evolve or be transformed through technology into something even more deadly. Something that can terrorize the entire galaxy.
Or perhaps, he is more metaphysical… a chemical-imbalance in our own physiology, a glitch in our consciousness that results in such a disturbing hallucination.
Try as we may, Blobby will always be one step behind. Keep calm and carry on. Stiff upper lip. The US has your back as always. Special relationship.
And of course England is not alone in its tribulation. Brazil has suffered even worse; enter Fofão:
Chilling
I am a victim of Blobby