I recently rediscovered an envelope in my archives containing every concert ticket stub I managed to save over the course of my life. Most simply remind me of an awesome show and nothing more. Pantera, Steely Dan, Chemical Brothers, Fugazi, Bob Dylan, etc... all great concerts, but not much else to say.
Then there were other concerts that went a bit less smoothly for the band or the audience or both. Here’s some ticket stubs that immediately remind me of weird, cringey little scenes worth retelling…
PRINCE
New York City - December 18, 2010
It’s common knowledge: When Prince commands you to dance, you dance. But Kim Karsashian just… stood there. And so he commanded her to get the hell of his stage. Game over. Epic fail in front of 20,000 people. I could see her flop-sweat from the nosebleeds.
DE LA SOUL
Syracuse, NY - February 3, 1996
It was awkward. I just felt bad for him. Now no one’s enjoying this song.
H.O.R.D.E. Festival
Vernon, NY - August 5, 1997
”Hey Hey, My My,” sang Neil Young.
”Hey! Hey! My... my leg!” screamed Dan Meth.
Piss, not my own, suddenly soaked me from knee to sneaker. I whipped around to face my assailant: his face was that of a cartoon drunk.
“You just pissed on my leg, man!” I said.
But he was too far gone; way beyond the capacity for remorse.
Neil Young was on stage and there was only one way to get past this:
I poured a Miller High Life down my calf. Now I was soaked with beer, not piss.
MODEST MOUSE
San Francisco - June 12, 2000
For over an hour, the crowd stood waiting for Modest Mouse as the greatest hits of ABBA blasted over the house speakers. People were getting angry. When Modest Mouse took the stage, their ragged feedback-drenched gnashing washed over the crowd like the antidote to ABBA’s sickly-sweet synthetic poison. Relief. It was the exact opposite flavor, the salt on the margarita glass. I’ve wondered since if this was intentional or just an accident.
NOTE: Today I’m way more likely to put on ABBA than Modest Mouse, but this was the dark indie late-90’s and guilty pleasures were still forbidden.
and speaking of angry crowds…
BUILT TO SPILL
Brooklyn - October 3, 2006
What made them think it would be a good idea to interrupt their show with a documentary about factory farming? I should mention that this concert was at a Polish National Home and a good percentage of fans were eating kielbasa at that very moment (somehow none of which were hurled at the band.)
THE DOORS RIDERS ON THE STORM
New York City - May 18, 2007
Almost 40 years after Jim Morrison’s death, half his band continues with a new-ish name and new members, including my coworker Lindsey’s father on bass. We’re invited backstage to the post-show meet-and-greet. Ray Manzarek (RIP) and Robby Krieger, the legendary knights of The Lizard King, sit at a table recuperating from the show. The imposing security team has us lined up more rigidly than prisoners of war. Ray and Robby wearily squint at each fan with cosmic disdain. When it’s my turn, I ask them to sign autographs in my sketchbook.
And do I accidentally leave that sketchbook on a bench somewhere in Providence, RI a week later? Yes. Yes I do.
PAUL McCARTNEY
NYC - December 11, 1989
My very first rock concert and so long ago I didn’t know Wing's catalog by heart. Thankfully my older brother was there to educate me (though it took the entire length of the song due to the volume.)
More awkward concert memories next week!
Thanks for reading Jazzed About Life!
Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
Very funny and so clever!
(equal love for part 1) wow I just love all of this so much!